My colleague commented that he failed at retirement. I suppose the same thing could be said about me. I retired in 2022 but recently returned to pastoral ministry. When I mentioned this to my brother he replied with one word. “Why?” Another colleague asked exactly the same thing. “Why?” In this conversation a friend commented that it was a matter of being relevant. There is an underlying truth to that statement. If we are honest most of us would like to believe that our lives count for something meaningful. However, no sooner had that comment been made when another person at the table challenged it citing Henri Nouwen who wrote that the first temptation of Jesus was the temptation to be relevant. Nouwen maintains that we need to move from the quest for relevance to a life of contemplative prayer, confession, and willingness to be led. We are not called to be relevant, spectacular or popular. We are called to feed Jesus’ sheep.

(Nouwen, Henri, J. M. In the Name of Jesus. New York: Crossword Publishing. 1989. pp. 27-93)

‘Why?”

How many times have you asked yourself that question? Why did she get the promotion I should have gotten? Why is that church growing while this one is stagnant? Why does she make more money? Why does he. . .? The cycle is endless and pointless.

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” — Theodore Roosevelt

Roosevelt was right. Since the question of “why?” was first posed I have found myself in an unfruitful cycle of comparing myself to others in ministry. Wondering why I’m not good enough, intelligent enough, or charismatic enough to be as successful as some of my colleagues.

I have heard that one should never answer a question with a question. However, as I continue to ponder the “why?” I received, if not an an answer, a series of questions for reflection.

“Why can’t you be content to work where I have placed you?” “Why aren’t the gifts I have given you enough?” “Why Jim, can’t you accept and embrace who you are and what I have called you to be and to do?”

There will always be people with greater intellect, and different gifts and abilities. That doesn’t mean you are of less value than they. It means that God as gifted you differently.

We are placed where God can use us to love and share God’s presence, peace, and love with those we are called to serve. We are not called to be relevant, spectacular, or powerful. We are called to feed Jesus’ sheep.

“Why?” belongs in the junk drawer. “Why?” only leads to frustration and self-deprecation. We are called and equipped to be God’s representatives in a broken world. It doesn’t matter where we are placed as long as we are faithful.

When Jesus commissioned Peter to feed his sheep, he went further and explained to Peter what his fate would be. When Peter saw “the disciple whom Jesus loved” he asked Jesus, “Lord, what about him?” Jesus response to Peter helps to answer the “why” question. “If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? Follow me!” (John 21: 18-22 italics added)

Some things are beyond our need to know. We are called to live into God’s will, not debate another’s call or seeming success. The call quite simply is to feed Christ’s sheep. The time and place to which we are called is entirely up to God.